All roads lead to...book sales

Thought I had to share this with you. As authors, we are always looking for imaginative ways of drumming up sales - often going for the direct route of plugging on our blogs, on Twitter or Facebook etc.

But watch out, the strangest things may well lead someone to your book. Over Christmas I decided to watch again a BBC comedy that was on a couple of years ago called 'Off the Hook'. It was a pretty hit and miss affair about a group of teenagers going to university for the first time. In episode 4, their reclusive flatmate, who they called 'weird bloke' is revealed to be a pretty, if rather deranged girl (who is still known as 'weird bloke' right up to the end of the series). I wanted to find out where I had seen the girl before and so went onto imdb. I discovered she is called Georgia King, and on reading her resume, saw that she had recently made a film called 'Austenland'. Seeing as I have a strange hatred/fascination for things Austen-related (usually so I can just slag them off) I clicked into this film and read the premise - that a modern day American girl, with a fixation on Mr Darcy goes to a Jane Austen theme park in England, to 'discover' herself. I also saw the upcoming film stars JJ Field, who is one of the scrummiest actors around, so I was so sold on the film. But I decided to check out the book it was based on, and so downloaded a sample of 'Austenland' by Shannon Hale. I enjoyed what I read and downloaded the whole book. In all honesty the book turned out to be a disappointment and I doubt I would read any of her books again. (Still going to see the film of course). But what I wanted to highlight was that from a tiny thing like out of boredom, watching an obscure sitcom I'd seen before, on youtube, I ended up buying a book.

So, you never know, the strangest thing in the world - something you never even imagined, might just lead to that coveted book sale.

The thoughts of Mrs Scrooge

And so the year ends, and what a year it has been for me in my writing career (I use that word very loosely). I have joined the e-book revolution, publishing my own books, and even buying a Kindle, and I have to say I've read more in the 4 weeks I've had my Kindle than I've done in a long time. I leave 2012 with a thousand or so people who know my name who did not know it this time last year, but alas that does not mean I can afford a mammoth turkey and all the trimmings because most of those downloads have been freebies. But I have learnt some valuable lessons which will be shaping how I do things in 2012, and these are;

1. Don't believe the hype about 'Kindle Millionaires'.

I think Santa Clause is more genuine than the likes of Amanda Hocking and her pals who 'without any effort' have sold millions of Kindle books. Think about it. How are you going to sell millions of books if no-one knows your name? Readers are unreliable, we all are. We download books, we start them, we discard them, promising ourselves we'll go back, then life gets in the way and you've forgotten about it. But miraculously, all the people who bought Ms Hocking's books, have faithfully finished them, shared them with friends who've also spread the word blah blah blah. I'm sorry to be cynical but I suspect Ms Hocking and her cohorts have agents guiding them in the right direction, thinking up clever marketing plans and making the world think they're more popular than they actually are and it starts a snowball effect. It's been going on in the music industry for years, 'indie' bands who rocket to the top of the chart, who at first seem cool and self-guided but in reality it turns out they are backed by a massive major label who have carefully orchestrated their image and they're actually about as indie as Take That. Without doubt, I have certainly sold more e-books that I ever had hard copies, but my only chance of ever becoming a millionaire is by finding an agent and publisher who will lavish thousands of pounds worth of marketing on me. Which brings me onto;

2. Just because an agent reads your whole manuscript, it doesn't mean they're going to like it.

I was so excited when an agent (I'm not naming names) twice requested my new novel 'Never Forget' (out April 2012 folks), firstly for one of her readers to puruse and secondly for the lady herself. I spent a couple of months boring my friends, without getting carried away with myself, secretly planning what I would do with an advance, should I get one. Only for her to send me an email saying she wouldn't be taking it on because apparently the dialogue wasn't authentic. It's gone to another agent who has kindly ignored me completely, so I've given up the ghost and I'm going to publish it myself. If you're wondering what it's about, it's about two women who meet on the Titanic as it's sinking, and one steals the other's baby and keeps him, bringing him up as her own, and the other woman sets about trying to get her son back.

3. Don't rely on Twitter

As an indie author you're told to use social networking to promote your work, and I say that that's a complete load of nonsense. Like in point 1, you need a band of loyal followers who will retweet your tweets and share your information with their followers and so on and so forth. This is no disrespect to any of my author friends on Twitter, but not one of them have ever retweeted anything about one of my books, except for the writer Mhairi Simpson (@AMhairiSimpson) who kindly retweeted a tweet I did about my UK book store. Other than that, nothing. As usual, the traditional pubbed authors all stick together, promoting each other and ignoring those of us who need a helping hand. My advice is use Twitter by all means, but don't expect it to make you famous, you still need to actually persuade people to read your books and I've yet to figure that one out (as a way of making money anyway).

So as you can see 2011 hasn't been entirely successful for me, there have been a lot of ups and downs and even now, I am toying with the idea of giving up writing. So much rejection does make you question your abilities, then again, I did do my birth chart the other day and it did say that because my house is in something or the other, I am likely to acheive success posthumously. So that's it, I'm going to become famous when I'm dead. Typical!!

Anyway, on that light note. I'd like to wish everyone a lovely Christmas and I hope for all my struggling author friends, 2012 brings them success. As soon as I discover the secret to being discovered, I will share it with you.

It'ssssss Christmasssssssssssssssss

Why publishers have shot themselves in the foot by selling their souls to 'Sleb Culture'

For many years I have been a member of an online reviewing forum. You know the sort of thing, authors upload chapters for other authors to read and review etc. Within days of joining and being bombarded with countless Harry Potter and Twilight imitations, I suddenly had the utmost sympathy for publishers and literary agents. To be faced, day in, day out with people hoping to make millions by becoming the next JK Rowling or Stephanie Meyer (even though the originals are both young, healthy and have at least another 40 years of writing in them), must be a soul destroying prospect. I have actually found the site quite useful in that often you need a stranger's eye cast upon your work for you to realise where you're going wrong, and the changes they suggest do enhance your story. But there are a small minority who refuse to accept that they need help with punctuation, spelling, grammar, structuring etc etc and when criticism is given, will deliberately seek out your story and write a scathing, free-will review, just to be spiteful.

Imagine being a publisher or agent and having to deal with people like this day in day out. I rather imagine these people to be like those X-Factor contestants who clearly can't sing, but when told by the judges they're never going to make it, start waggling their finger, giving it attitude and telling them that their family love to hear them sing. Yes, your family, who love you and think it's amazing you can belt out Hero when you've had a few; or you've managed to string a few words together and write a story that sort of makes sense. I would hate to have to be the one to break the bad news to people like this and I guess it is people like these who have caused agents to create a 'slush pile' that barely gets looked at.

I have no problem with agents. They do a worthwhile job, and there is no doubt, without one on board it is really hard to get the support you need to make it as an author. Putting your book on Kindle and hoping the world spots it and you become a millionaire is all well and good, but the hard reality is that you need promotion and unless you're very wealthy, most of us indies cannot afford that and are reliant on social media to spread the word. My problem is with publishers, and now they're whinging that things like Kindle and sites like Smashwords are taking away their bread and butter, and look set to 'ruin publishing forever'. Well, I have no sympathy for them whatsoever.

Years ago, when I first ventured forth with a (very badly written) novel, thinking it would be published, I had the option to either send it to an agent or to one of the many publishers who still considered unsolicited manuscripts. Quite rightly I got turned down, shoved my MS away and got on with things like going to University and getting a job. Ten years later I tried once more (novel slightly better written),and was astounded to discover that the mainstream publishers are now only accepting manuscripts from agents. Of course, I can see their point. They were trying to save money and to employ someone to go through the slush pile would cost a lot (although some might say an undergraduate on work experience would know if a book was readable or not), so it's easier to use the services of an agent to weed out the wheat from the chaff.

All fine and dandy, but then suddenly, in came the celebrities. In the UK, all starting off with Katie Price and her ghost-written novels, closely followed by Kerry Katona. Now joined by Martine McCutcheon, Colleen Nolan, Sharon Osbourne, Fern Britton, Penny Smith etc. Whilst the last five have all penned their novels themselves, I have personally known people to read novels by them and remark upon how badly written they are. (Don't believe me, check out the 2 and 3 star reviews for McCutcheon and Smith on amazon). Novels have become part of a brand, like perfume, calendars and clothing; and publishers - tempted by the lure of filthy lucre - have bought right into it.

All this would be fine, if the money raised by people inexplicably buying books by said celebrities, was then ploughed into nurturing new talent. The royalties from one Katie Price novel would pay for two graduates to sit sifting through a slush pile. But no, the doors are still closed to new writers and agents are so overwhelmed without Rowling and Meyer copycats that they too have no choice but to become over-choosy, often only picking novels that have been professionally edited to read in their entirety. Now publishers are sticking out their bottom lips and sulking because people have taken matters into their own hands and joined the Kindle revolution. Unfortunately, the X-Factor types are out there, publishing books that quite rightly should never see the light of day. But if someone has paid 99p for said novel, they won't feel so bad about just deleting it from their Kindle. How many of us have got iPhones or an iPod Touch and downloaded loads of free or cheap apps with the attitude that if they're crap we'll just get rid of them and won't have lost much? When I set up my reviewing website, I received self-published books that were so well-written, so engaging - and yes, edited perfectly, that it was a travesty that a publisher overlooked them in favour of some vacuous wannabe off the telly.

No doubt over the coming years, publishers will pull themselves out of their current mire and create some sort ofstranglehold on the industry, which prevents indie authors from publishing on Kindle and Smashwords. But I suggest when this does happen, they use it to publish decent quality fiction, not just celebrity tittle tattle aimed at selling units and nothing else.

I know, in writing this, I've probably jeopardised any chance I ever had of getting a mainstream deal, and I'll be accused of snobbery. After all, a friend once said to me that regardless whether or not Katie Price writes her books, it gets young girls who might not normally pick up a book, to start reading. This is of course true, andgood luck to the celebrities who are stretching out their fifteen minutes by trying to become authors. But proper writing is a long-honed craft whichmany people start in childhood and don't properly perfect until middle-age.It is also worrying that, if they were alive today, Jane Austen would need to get her tits out on Big Brother to be able to sell a few copies of Pride and Prejudice, and Emily Bronte would probably have to expose her inner torment on the Jeremy Kyle Show before a publisher would even deign to look at Wuthering Heights.